the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sorry about my life...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
