mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
