I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
