It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
