it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
