I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
