i dont even know how to be here
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
