Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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