just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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