My hand turned me down
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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