i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
