I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
