You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
