I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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