walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
