I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's blow job season.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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