1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
