Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
