accomplished twins. life is a go
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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