she looked like the before picture.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
