I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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