I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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