3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
