I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
