I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
