the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
