well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
