no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my poor anus
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
