I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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