I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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