How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
