Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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