that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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