I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
