She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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