I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
