i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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