i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
