I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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