My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
