Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
