I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
