put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
