No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
