Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
