If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
