then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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