I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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