And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
