How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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